I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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