thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
