His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
