i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
