I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
