we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
