That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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