Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
