I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
