Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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