it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
