Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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