did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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