You smell like stripper and shame
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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