yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
