I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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