I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
