someone threw a dead crab at me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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