I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
