put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
