she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
