Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
