I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
