I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
