You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
