Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
