Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
