a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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