You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
