What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
