chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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