Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
