Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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