Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
