history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize