i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
