Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
