i jhust puked up my retainher.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
