It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
