Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize