i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
