just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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