Duck Duck Cougar?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
