let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
