Kiss
Puke
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize