Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
