As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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