I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
