There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
