I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize