Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
