If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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