physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
