Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
