So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize