I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
