handjob tips. give me some.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
