I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he thought i was a dude.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
