I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I look better un-naked...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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