of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
