At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize