Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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