He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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