I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize