they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
