we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize