dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
