I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
