please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
