At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
