need another drink. this is the easiest way
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
