I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Mom said you looked used
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
