I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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