dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
