3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
