i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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