Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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