I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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