She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
