your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
