he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
