I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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