You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
