I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
