Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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