but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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