I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
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