woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
